[Scene: Bob’s Burgers, midday. The smell of sizzling patties fills the air. Sterling Archer sits in a booth, wearing his signature grey suit, tie slightly loosened. Across from him, David Hill — Canadian political strategist and hemp advocate — adjusts his glasses while Bob delivers a tray of burgers.]
Bob: Here you go. One “Archer Special” — double bacon, double cheese, zero vegetables — and one “True North Veggie Deluxe” for… the guy in the suit without a gun.
David Hill: (smirking) I’m not unarmed. I have policy.
Archer: (already halfway into his burger) Policy can’t kill a man, David. Unless you’re talking about Canadian tax code, in which case… yeah, lethal.
David Hill: We’re not here to talk taxes. We’re here to talk hemp.
Archer: (mouth full) …Wait, like, the stuff hippies make bracelets out of, or the kind that makes your lungs go “Wooo-hoo-hoo”?
David Hill: Industrial hemp. Rope, textiles, biofuel, paper, even building materials. Canada could launch a “Hemp for Victory” plan—replace imported plastics, reduce deforestation, boost rural jobs.
Archer: (leans in) Okay, first of all, “Hemp for Victory” sounds like a WWII propaganda film starring a guy in overalls punching Hitler in the jaw. Which I would absolutely watch.
David Hill: It was a WWII campaign, actually. The U.S. told farmers to grow hemp for rope and uniforms because they couldn’t import jute from Asia.
Archer: Wait, so you’re saying… if Canada goes all-in on hemp, we could, like, crush China and save the planet?
David Hill: More or less. Hemp grows faster than trees, requires less water, no pesticides, absorbs carbon like crazy—
Archer: —And, bonus, I can say “hemp” in a smug, sustainable way at cocktail parties. Win-win.
David Hill: Plus, imagine a cross-border hemp trade alliance. Canada grows it, America buys it—
Archer: (interrupting) —And I name it “Operation: Dank NAFTA.”
David Hill: …I was thinking “Green Shield Agreement,” but sure.
Bob: (walking by) Just don’t smoke the merchandise in here. Health code violation.
Archer: Relax, Bob. This is industrial hemp. Smoking it is like drinking O’Doul’s to get drunk.
David Hill: (grins) But building a future on it? That could get everyone high… on prosperity.
Archer: (points a fry at him) Okay, David, you just won “Best Canadian Soundbite Ever.”
