INT. BACKYARD – DAY
A plastic patio table. Two chipped mugs. One says “WORLD’S OKAYEST SPY.” The other just says “420.”
STERLING ARCHER
(eyeing the mug)
So let me get this straight. This is… tea. From weeds. That my lawn guy specifically hates.
DAVE 420
Not weeds, man. Dandelions. Deep roots. Survivor plant. Very anti-establishment.
ARCHER
I once survived six gunshots, two betrayals, and a hangover that violated the Geneva Conventions.
(pauses, sips)
…Okay that’s actually not terrible.
DAVE 420
Right? Earthy. Like regret, but hopeful.
ARCHER
And you’re telling me the internet thinks this is a—
(air quotes)
“backyard cancer cure.”
DAVE 420
No, no. The internet thinks everything is a cure. This is an experiment. Big difference.
ARCHER
Ah yes. Science. Conducted next to a barbecue and a folding chair.
DAVE 420
Look, man, nobody’s curing cancer back here. That’s doctor stuff. Labs. Peer review. Actual pants.
This is more like… observational wellness optimism.
ARCHER
So what are we observing?
DAVE 420
Well, step one: drink tea made from something that refuses to die.
Step two: feel smug about it.
Step three: still go to your oncologist.
ARCHER
(relieved)
Oh thank God. Because if Lana found out I replaced modern medicine with lawn clippings—
DAVE 420
—she’d murder you with facts.
ARCHER
Exactly.
(beat)
Still though, there is something poetic about it.
DAVE 420
Yeah?
ARCHER
Cancer is chaos. Dandelions are chaos.
One tries to kill you, the other just ruins suburban masculinity.
DAVE 420
And both get blamed on the government.
ARCHER
(chuckles, raises mug)
To science-adjacent curiosity, false hope responsibly avoided, and weeds that refuse to quit.
DAVE 420
And to listening to doctors… after tea.
They clink mugs.
ARCHER
Also if this gives me superpowers, I’m suing nature.
DAVE 420
Fair.
They sip. The lawn remains aggressively dandelioned.
FADE OUT.
